wilderness path

a significant inner journey

 

"You Who are beyond the world of fear,

You Who offer me this lesson must not be full of fear.

You Who offer me this lesson must understand healing,

and therefore must understand transformation

and wish for me to understand it also."

 

Desert Spirit

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

 

 

HEALING AND TRANSFORMATON

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Desert Spirit

 

     Thank you for this day and all lessons You would have me unlearn. What will You have me do this day, where will You have me go, what will You have me say and to whom? I will to allow Your Power and Will be done through me, affecting all minds now.

     Today Your words reveal to me,

 

You do not understand healing because of your own fear.”

 

     Is “transformation” part of healing? Does it lead to healing? Is it the same as healing? Is it a word? Does it have a definition? Does it have a meaning beyond my own ideas of what it is?

     Can I understand transformation if I am fearful? I do not understand transformation because of my own fear. And yet I walk about telling others what transformation is, or what I think it is, while I am full of fear.

     If I am full of fear, then could I perceive healing or happiness or God or love or peace or life or anything? Or are all these contained in my fearful mind and contaminated BY my fear? Or are these all perceived through the veil of fear that hangs heavily over my sight OF these?

     You say I am full of fear. You say I do not understand healing. You Who are beyond the world of fear, You Who offer me this lesson must not be full of fear. You Who offer me this lesson must understand healing, and therefore must understand transformation and wish for me to understand it also. Then, would it be wise for me to continue to deceive myself by thinking I understand healing, or transformation, or love, or peace, or happiness, or You if I am full of fear?

     I have learned how to “handle” my fear and have developed clever techniques to pacify my fear. And this I am convinced is what is healing. Yet a moment, or a thought, or a word comes to me that I do not like, the fear returns, and then I have to use my skill to once again “handle” my fear. But I am never free OF fear, nor do I ever investigate what my fear is, how I acquired it, or why I continue to perpetuate it. And this can only be because I fear myself.

     How can I know myself if I fear myself? How can I know healing if I am full of fear OF healing? How can I understand transformation if I am full of fear?

     Now You tell me that You are in charge of healing and the awakening of my mind and spirit. You say You are in charge of the process of Atonement, whatever that is. And You come to me to tell me, “Listen, you do not understand healing because of your own fear”. And You must be aware of this. You must see this in me, even if I do not. I would even convince myself that this You say is not true, thereby making You a liar. Fear OF You would make you a liar to me. How sane is that?

     If You are in charge of healing, then You must be in charge of transformation. You must know what transformation is beyond my false knowing. You must also know what are the fears I protect which keep me from understanding healing.

     If You say I do not understand healing because of my fears, then fear and healing cannot be the same, and transformation and fear are not the same. But You say I am full of fear, and WITHIN MY FEAR I think I can define what healing is and what transformation is. And then I offer this to others who are fearful also and they become transmitters OF the ideas of healing and ideas of transformation that contain fear. How sane is that?

     If You know I do not understand healing, then You must also know I do not understand transformation, and this is because I protect my fears OF them. And yet You COULD heal me OF these fears if I realized I FEAR HEALING AND TRANSFORMATION.

     Could this moment in discovering this BE a moment of healing and transformation?

     Could a fearful being BE healed of even participate in his/her own healing if he/she is full of fear?

     Today You reveal to me that I do not understand healing because of my own fear. And so it would be a waste of time attempting to understand healing, as You understand it, if I am even afraid to look upon my fears. My fears are the dark sunglasses I wear through which I see everything and from which I define everything. And so from a fear-filled mind I define healing, and transformation, and myself, and am never the wiser.

     I think I know what healing and transformation are, while I do not even know who or what I am, or that of which I am afraid. Is that not true?

     Would it be an action OF healing to discover that I do not understand healing OR transformation? Would this realization BE a healing, transforming moment in my thinking?

     Would such a thought free me OF the fear of healing as well as of my own ideas I think I understand about healing or ANYTHING? And from where does my understanding of anything come? Does it come from others, from me or from You?

     I do not understand the true reality of anything because I have concluded and assumed I think I ALREADY KNOW what something is. And I do this because I am afraid of myself and all I have assumed is true. I am afraid of healing. I am afraid of transformation. And so it is easier for me to define and conclude what they mean, rather than experience the truth OF them. I am a fool. And this is what fools do.

     Now today You tell me I do not understand healing, and I share these Thoughts with You. And I will share them with the others to whom You ask me to send this discovery. You say I do not understand healing, nor transformation. And healing would transform my life, my thinking and my body if I did.

     Today I offer You the fact that I do not understand healing because of my own fear, nor do I understand transformation. And I will exercise my willingness today and attempt to not block You from revealing this to me that lies BEYOND my understanding of these things.

     Now I rest in this understanding You offer me today. I do not understand healing. I do not understand transformation beyond my prescribed ideas of what these are, and I let them go now, today.

     I will rise above the “protection” of my fear that blocks my understanding of You and of healing and transformation. And I will rest in the understanding that You DO understand these things, and by offering me this idea today, You are showing me You desire FOR me TO understand them.

     Let me not insult Your Intelligence by assuming I know what, clearly, You have revealed I do not know.

     I will wait in certainty that You will reveal these to me in a time and place of Your choosing and that You see is best for me.

     So be it now.

     “It is done.”