wilderness path

a significant inner journey

 

 "It is every heart’s desire to remember You and the Self,

lost, murdered souls,

 doing all the horrible, useless things they HAVE to do

just to make a living,

to make ends meet,

to survive,

to pay a bill,

to own some piece of worthless junk."

 

Desert Spirit

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BROTHERHOOD OF DESPAIR

 

Monday, October 24, 2011

 

Desert Spirit

 

 

 

I want the peace of God.”

 

     Or perhaps these are just words, because this day without what I think I need does challenge me and my insecurities, because I equate my idea of how things should be with peace, and when I am temporarily in situations that are not as I think they should be I do not feel peaceful. I then feel agitated, uncertain, discontented, and in this foul energy I think I must DO something, not realizing any DOING would be motivated out OF these foul energies.

 

     Yet how can that which is eternal be so seemingly fragile? Unstable? Unpredictable? Undependable? It must be my mind that is unstable, unpredictable, fragile and undependable each time the externals shift to show me what I perceive to be lack, a taking away of something, or loss.

 

     And so this day begins with intense hostility towards a brother, or brothers.

 

     “Do you mean the Bank?”

 

     Yes, Teacher, I mean the Bank, to which I think I am a victim of their policies. And regardless of my appeals to them for leniency, they will NEVER give me what I think I am entitled to. They need EVERY DIME they can squeeze out of me. And it occurs to me now that the reason for this is because they must wish to be free of this relationship with me as much as I wish to be free of it. So we both want the same thing, or so it seems.

 

     In the present conditions the world seems to show, what would they gain for me to walk away from this loan I am committed to repay? And what do I stand to gain? In my perceptions, I may lose a possession, but they would be stuck with a possession from which they may never be able to part.

 

     How do I perceive all this within my Lesson, “I want the peace of God?”

 

     What prevents me from being free of them and what prevents them from being free of me? For the world and the ego-thought system has its own formula for this. But in a Universe that is unlimited, in a boundless peace, how would It satisfy us both? There must be a way.

 

     What prevents the Universe from intervening in these matters?

 

     My Lesson reads tonight, “You can be sure You share one Will with Him, and He with you. And will also know you share one Will with all your brothers, whose intent is yours.”

 

     So You say we share one Will with the Father, and with each other, and His Will must be His Peace for us all. So how do I see this in this experience today that leaves me bitterly hostile towards this institution and its employees? For in this perception, I do not see we share one will. And I do not see they are my brothers in spirit.

 

     I feel today did not reflect one or the same intent by my brothers or me and therefore we do not share in His Will. For I perceive THEIR will and mine as separate. I perceive their intent is to penalize me and my intent is to prevent this penalty, another fee I am expected to pay.

 

     And so I do not see peace of God shared in this lesson with these beings. For I perceive the peace of God would not place me into this feeling of entrapment. And yet in it I dig deeply into these feelings to find the impurities from which I desire to be free, and if all minds are joined must affect them also. Is it so, Teacher?

 

     Now the Lesson reads, “It is this one intent we seek today, uniting out desires with the need of every heart….”

 

     What are our desires, my desires, and how are they theirs also? What is my desire? Is it to serve the corporations of the world and the demands made in this contract that binds us together? Is it to END my relationship somehow with them, and offer them my salutation as we depart, “Good fucking riddance”?

 

     Is it to practice patience, humility, trust in Spirit that these experiences are all part of Order? Is it to share the peace of God? And if so, how?

 

     I do not see the peace of God shared with banks and financial institutions. And if I think I must remain on this present course with them, I will be a corpse in a graveyard and still be connected to them.

 

      And the Lesson continues, “It is this one intent we seek today, uniting out desires with the need of every heart, the call of every mind, the hope that lies beyond despair….”

 

     I see banks. I do not see people. Oh my God. I do not see spirit in them.

 

     I do not see the small, frail, pitiful beings who are slaves to the corporations of the world, who have to uphold and carry out their policies, who have to not bend the rules, who wish to not have these shitty jobs, who have to go to work every day, who awake up by the unnatural shrieking noise of an alarm clock, who have to go to a job and a place they hate, who loathe their boss, who look for ANY outlets to soothe their dying soul and eternal misery.

 

     I do not see they serve the senseless corporations and idiotic rules; the telemarketers who read to me from a cue card, a robot, who BEGS me to buy a stupid magazine. Oh my God, these poor wretched creatures, dying spirits who sell their souls to the devil for a lousy, stinking paycheck.

 

     Oh my God, Yeshua…. I did not see this…I did not see this way that You see us all.

 

     I only saw BANKS… not human beings, not spirits asleep.

 

     Even the greed filled CEO whom the world despises must hate their jobs, hate their hugely artificial lives, and all the useless garbage that goes along with it, piled on top of them until it has them bent over, breaking their spinal column in half.

 

     I did not see this. I only saw MY desire, MY hope beyond despair, MY call for peace. But in fact it IS theirs also.

 

     It is every heart’s desire to remember You and the Self, lost, murdered souls doing all the horrible, useless things they HAVE to do just to make a living, to make ends meet, to survive, to pay a bill, to own some piece of worthless junk.

 

     Oh my God, Yeshua….

 

     It IS their desire too to be free, to live without scorn on them, to be accepted for all the horrible jobs they think they must do, to be heard, to be loved, to be free, to have Your peace.

 

     And the Lesson still continues, “It is this one intent we seek today, uniting out desires with the need of every heart, the love attack would hide….”

 

     Yes, they hate their job, their life, and their worthless duties. They feel helpless, afraid, desperate, lonely, hated, surrounded with poison in their hearts and minds, smothered by chaos. And I say, “Work is not the goal of Life” as I am riding the bike today, where time does not intrude, where duties do not demand I be anywhere, without concerns of the world of ego that demands all of man’s precious energy.

 

     And so Yeshua, what can I do to make my intent, to have, live exercise, extend peace of God to all of them with whom I have been at war? They make no decisions for themselves. They are TOLD what to do and what not to do, what they MUST do and what they MUST NOT do. And the MUST abide by the system or they are dispensable and replaceable; disposable human beings.

 

     Out of fear of losing their jobs, they must be ruthless, careless, arrogant, cruel, hostile, uncaring, sarcastic, critical, brutal, horrible, impolite, harsh and lifeless in every breath they speak. For it is between them and myself. And they must PRESERVE their positions, and their minds will not be open to the fact that they ARE stuck.

 

     They are so, so stuck, desperately afraid. For if they lose the job, they will lose EVERYHING. They MUST DO AS THEY ARE TOLD.

 

     Oh my God, Yeshua.

 

     They are NOT free to say, “FUCK OFF! TAKE MY POSSESSIONS. WHAT NEED HAVE I FOR THEM? I WILL NOT BE BOUND TO OR BY THEM. THESE DO NOT DEFINE MY WORTH. MY VALUE LIES SOLELY IN GOD’S MIND!”

 

     So, Yeshua, I will play along. I will play the game of death if You ask me to do so. I will play the stupid game and satisfy their rules and their ‘contractual agreement’ to which THEY think I am bound. I will do my best to play my part and fulfill the obligations given me, because IT DOES NOT MATTER.

 

     It does not matter if I do not fulfill their terms. THEY MUST FULFILL THEIR TERMS because they have not see that it does not matter. They have not heard, “I and my Father are One.” They have not embraced, “I am not a body. I am free. For I am still as God created me.”

 

     They are stuck, in the mud. They must serve the alarm clock, the dress code, the rules, the regulations, and the protocol. They MUST if they want to keep their jobs.

 

     Oh my God, Yeshua….what I have not SEEN!!!

 

“It is this one intent we seek today, uniting out desires with the need of every heart, the brotherhood that hate has sought to sever, but which still remains as God created it.”

 

     Now I see, clearly, the roles each of us are caught in, asleep, afraid, desperately afraid and alone, lonely, looking for a mate, looking for love, looking for peace, looking for freedom, looking for meaning, looking for a connection, a soul mate, looking for an answer to the unending wails of sorry on this earth in endless forms.

 

     Each one looking to understand, thinking they already do, but never having a moment of understanding, clarity or peace.

 

     Oh my God, Yeshua….the vastness of this is so unbelievable….the brotherhood of all minds and spirits forever within His peace and His Love.

 

     And as I look at MY existence, it does not look at all like theirs.

 

     And I remember the BEE lesson recently I encountered in which I was Told, “The queen is hatched from the same type of egg as the worker, but is fed a different diet and raised in a different chamber by the nurse Bees. This changes her development into that of a much larger queen Bee.”

 

 

     Now on the last day of my Lesson, I study the last sentence in it that reads,

 

With Help like this besides us, can we fail today as we request the peace of God be given us?

 

     Tonight my eyes are opened by You, Yeshua. I do not know how you did it, but You revealed a sight no blind person could ever see or ever conceive or understand. The impact on me with this clarity is immense, and proof the peace of God HAS hit my mind with Your Healing Ray that I cannot even express in words.

 

     Tonight You show me the brotherhood in despair at a level I have not previously perceived, and has brought to attention the role of the Brotherhood for the brotherhood of mankind.

 

     Thank You for this, and in my recognition of it I ask all minds be impacted by it and with it, that it may affect all minds and move us swiftly to an end to delay of the awakening and recognition of His peace, penetrating all ignorance that would resist it and not claim it as our own, this eternal gift to us.

 

So be it now.

“It is done. Bless you now.”