wilderness path

a significant inner journey

 

“I have met so many beings who wanted to ‘help’ me,

who ‘gave’ me what they felt was ‘helpful’,

yet who attached strings to everything they gave.”

 

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Desert Spirit

 

THE “LIABILITY” OF GIVING

Tuesday, February 02, 2016

Desert Spirit

 

     Chapter 5, Healing and Wholeness, has brought a strong lesson to my world, as it focuses on the concept of making the mind whole THROUGH healing. It says that healing is happiness, and so unless one comes to healing, or correction of one’s thinking, one cannot be happy.

     Many changes have taken place in the past few months. And I equate this with the study of healing and wholeness. I have repeatedly stated that healing is a restoration of the past with a different ending. I have also said that the past remains unhealed until one restores one’s thinking TO a past where it is “relived” and where one comes to the happiness that correction OF the past brings. Until this occurs, one will repeat the past and, without healing, repeat the pain OF the past. It is unbelievable how many suffer from this, who are afraid of the past, their past, which logically means they are afraid of themselves.

     As I review my past lessons, I look at them as those that remain uncorrected, and with an undying need TO restore the past with a different ending, I never let go of the idea OF returning to a past, and make it a different happy outcome.

     Back in 2006 I acquired a new vehicle, a Duramax diesel Chevrolet Silverado, after giving my restored 1985 Chevy truck to David Jr. The Duramax had the power to carry me to many places. When purchasing it the salesman asked me, “Why do you need all this power?” I replied, “I would rather have the power and not need to use it, rather than not have the power and need to use it when I do.”

     And so I enjoyed this vehicle immensely as it was very comfortable and had the power I desired to carry me where I desired to travel. It carried me far, far west, and many points in between. In 2008 or around that time the economy collapsed, so to speak, the downward spiral of my life began. I was involved in a motorcycle accident, my beautiful truck was repossessed because I could only afford partial payments, and eventually my home and all my possessions contained within it were given to someone else. Yet to these ends I never denied they would ALL be restored to me with a different ending. And I held to this thought, for Divine Justice is merciful.

     Fast forward to 2015 where in my study I contemplate the restoration of my past with a different ending. For 7-8 years I told myself one day I would restore the “lost” vehicle to my life. I could not let this thought go. It would never leave me.

     I had been reviewing a place in North Texas that sold these trucks and although I had previously inquired about one of them, another 2006, it never materialized. As the Teacher offers, “Nothing happens by accident and chance plays no part in God’s Plan.” This Thought is very liberating when one can live the truth of it.

     So on this particular morning about a year after this failed attempt to restore my past, I went to the site and filled out an online application for another 2006 vehicle. I was determined to restore the exact vehicle to my life that had been “taken”. Within ten minutes of filling out the application, a representative for the dealership called me to verify this was the vehicle in which I was interested. He explained he would have to pass my information to the Bank, who would then make the decision to finance this vehicle, knowing that filing for bankruptcy in 2014 could affect a decision.

     Within five minutes of that call the Bank called me to verify my personal information. Then another call, five minutes later, and the representative for the dealership explained, “The Bank has agreed to offer you the financing for your truck. Are you ready to fly out to Texas to pick it up?” I was shocked. My past was being restored and would have to be with a different ending, where the idea of loss is an illusion and where Creator reveals nothing is ever lost, and that what one gives one gives to oneself.

     Where there is no Self-Worth, one needs “credit”. And yet they who possess “good credit” have no self worth. For it is defined BY the giving OF “credit”.

     For a week I tortured myself with the many questions. Although this 2006 Silverado was what I wanted restored to my world, it was not an exact replica. It was a different color, White, which I presently had a White truck. It had cloth seats, not leather. It had high mileage. It was used to tow a heavy trailer. It had three owners. In spite of these, I convinced myself, “This is my past and I will accept it even if it is a compromise.”

     Anya and I purchased tickets to fly to Texas, one way, to pick up the truck we have never seen except in photos, in anticipation of driving the new truck back to Florida. How quickly everything started to change. By the time we arrived in Texas, I had begun looking at another truck in the same facility, a 2009, that had all the amenities I desired. I called the representative to inform him I may want to change my selection. He explained I could look at all the vehicles he had when we arrived. I said, “There are only two I am interested in…the 2006 White Silverado and the 2009 Teal GMC.” Both were Duramax diesel, the power I sought in the vehicle, yet the 2009 was superior to the 2006. But the 2009 was not, in my mind, the 2006 of my past.

     The night we arrived in Dallas I was tortured by the ideas of having to settle for either of these vehicles, as one was not all I desired, although it WAS a 2006, and the other was something I had not considered. What if, what if, what if….??? It was a long sleepless night in that hotel, and as daylight broke through the windows I jumped out of bed like a child on Christmas morning who was about to open his first Christmas present.

     The dealership picked us up and drove us for 45 minutes through Dallas, Texas, to where the vehicle would be viewed. By this time I was not even sure any more that I even wanted either of these trucks, that I was content with the OPPORTUNITY to restore this past to my life.

     When the courtesy driver drove into the parking lot, he explained, “That is the 2009 GMC you were looking at on the website, David,” pointing to a vehicle that was only seen in pictures. And pictures ARE deceiving. As we exited the courtesy vehicle, Anya and I were both were stunned. I was frozen in my tracks.

 

     I had not considered how much the technology had changed from 2006 to 2009. I could not formulate a thought as I gazed upon and marveled about this shining machine, assembled by the spirit brothers of the Technological Worlds. “Is this the one I chose?”

 

     But I walked the parking lot in search for the long ago lost 2006 I once possessed. And there it was, the White Silverado I originally chose for this Texas trip, waiting for a good home. The dealership had not moved it out, but rather had moved out the 2009 and detailed it for us. It was ready for us, and the salesman came out with the key and asked, “Are you ready to take it for a drive?” I trembled. “Is it a good truck, Tim? Be brutally honest with me.” He quietly replied, “David, this truck had one owner. The mileage is quite low. It has everything you could order on a truck and the previous owner kept it in very good shape. This is a NICE truck.” And so the answer came through the brother, and Tim handed us the keys.

 

     The completing of the paperwork was effortless, and by 11 in the morning we were on our way. Being 7 hours from Albuquerque, we decided to drive the new truck to the cabin in Arizona, arriving in Tucumcari that night, and heading out for Arizona the next morning. What an unbelievable experience. We drove in near silence as Anya and I were both speechless as to how it all came about, and how quickly everything fell into place. We arrived and stayed in the cabin for a week, returning to Florida in the new vehicle, my past restored with a different ending.

     In the week of the stay at the cabin, I received a phone call from someone whom I had never met. She said her name was Mary and that she was the 25 year-old daughter of Susan Salas, my biological sister. Susan was smoking crack cocaine at the time of this young woman’s birth and so she gave the child up for adoption. Mary found a good home with two caring adults. She now contacted me to find her “family”. In our conversation, she informed me that she had attempted to make contact with other family members, discovering my sister Lori had a phone number that she called to contact.

     She also had made contact with Susan, her biological mother. I told her that her grandmother, Lorraine Salas, lived in Georgia. She replied, “Uncle David, I am sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but Susan told me that Lorraine passed away in October of last year.” My mind fell silent, although on some level I expected it. It would take a niece I never met who was seeking for her family roots to tell me that my mother had passed over 4 months ago, and not a single brother or sister of my own family contacted me to tell me. She explained further than only Lori and Susan had attended the funeral. I thought, “Let the dead bury the dead”, but I made contact with the spirit of Lorraine Salas and bid her well on her new Journey.

     The restoration of my past brought many new things. A few days after our return to Florida and with the news of Lorraine’s passing, Anya and I visited a hair salon in Lecanto where she desired to have her hair cut. I asked where it was, and when she gave me the address I explained to her that this place was where Lorraine had her hair done, and that it was this place to which I took her on one of her last visits to Lecanto. At that time Lorraine also asked me to drive her to the Manila Lane house she once owned, in which I was still residing.

     The following day, after Anya’s visit to the hair salon, I received a phone call from the new owners of the Manila Lane house, explaining to me there was mail with my name on it still arriving there for me to pick up.

     My visit to this place of my past with an unhealed ending was not enchanting, nor did I experience bitterness. I felt nothing of an emotional high or low. The place, once beautifully kept by me, was run down, unkempt, dirty, overgrown. Clothes just washed hung outside on ropes strung between two trees. I had mixed feelings about a possible return to this place, given the Opportunity, although after the truck experience now I knew anything in the Uni-verse was possible.

     The energy of my past with the Manila Lane house was all gone. It had died. Some different kind of a strange energy now inhabited this dwelling. As we departed, a young boy, apparently a dweller, came up the driveway, avoiding us and observing us with deep suspicion and caution from a considerable distance. It was obvious this young spirit was not well internally, and his external appearance was strange and difficult to grasp. Or he was a highly advanced being who took no notice of such things.

     I felt it very strange that in the time the new truck came, so did the visit to Lorraine’s hair stylist, and a visit to Lorraine’s previous home. I felt that she was attempting to communicate something to us from Another Level, a reply perhaps to my previous contact with her spirit regarding her passing.

     In spite of my forgetting about my past in the Manila Lane house, I continued to be Invited back to it, and it sparked interest in me once again that it too COULD become a lesson in the restoration of my past with a different ending. The movie PAWN SACRIFICE, the story of Bobby Fisher chess champion, exemplifies this in one part where his guide, who is a priest, explains, “After 4 moves, there are 300 billion possibilities”. THIS is the Unlimited Possibility of the Universal Mind in which we live, That Which lives within each of us.

     Now today the business of offering nutrition to others in the form of cleansing products took a new turn. Being contacted by an individual in Nigeria, we were asked to provide large orders of nutritional supplements to him. He stated he would provide credit card information once the total for the order was established. Seeing it as a turn for the better for the business, I reluctantly and without investigating him more took his payment. Beyond his first order he made several more, about 15k worth of product. Within one month the charges were being returned by the Bank, as we began to realize that the charges were made with stolen credit cards for which Nigeria is common. It has left us with a 15k liability we must repay.

     As I delved deeply into this lesson, I questioned the Teacher why the good Grace of Spirit would restore my past with a different ending, only to lead me into a 15k liability/fraud lesson. And He replied, “Miracles are a correction in perception. When you see this not as fraud, or liability, or loss, but as a blessing, you will understand the Ways of the Spirit.” I then knew it was a lesson He could explain to me.

     As the weeks passed and the charges were posted against our account with a negative balance, the liability grew as did my concerns. In a moment of deep need I asked Spirit to show me what I was unwilling to see IN this lesson of perceived loss. And as it is written in the study, “The Holy Spirit is referred to as the Healer, the Comforter and the Guide. I said myself, “If I go I will send you another Comforter and He will abide with you. May the mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus.

     And so I had to come to understand this lesson of “loss” of 15k with a new mind.

     It has promoted me to write this lesson.

In this study this morning, I was asked, “If you had 15k in a bank account, would you hand it to a complete stranger? I said I probably would not, and if I did I would think I lost it. He then asked, “If I gave it to you TO give, would you give it to whom I asked? I said I think I would.

     He then said, “Consider, then, that you were Asked to provide 15k of nutritional products to a brother who is distributing them to those who are in need of nutrition, who have it not available to them. You have lost nothing but have given everything.”

     I thought about this and discovered that I knew many, many people who have great wealth, whom you could not pry from their hands 5k, who would not give it freely, even to someone to whom they were close, whom they “trusted” or “loved”. I who perceives being without 15k TO give was Asked to give 15k, and see it not as a loss. And they who HAVE it would not ever part with it, as they WOULD see it as a loss. They would fear deeply this lesson.

     He said to me, “Give your money to the poor and follow me, and I will make you a fisher of men”. I realized all the blessings He gives me, and that to “give” 15k can only be understandable to me by also understanding that I did not lose this, but agreed, on some Other Level, TO give it and experience this lesson. I also understood that the replenishment of that amount of money is not the issue, but that to discover I AM Asked to give it and see it AS a gift IS Replenishment of Abundance, Trust and Integrity in my mind and life. It is not a liability of giving.

     Who could give freely and feel they did not lose? Who would not think they were “victimized”?

     I have met so many beings who wanted to “help” me, who “gave” me what they felt was “helpful”, yet who attached strings to everything they gave. To THIS DAY are these strings still attached. For them, to give and NOT experience loss is inconceivable, as they cling to what they perceive IS theirs to do with whatever they please, who continue to blame others and the world for their miserable existence, looking outside themselves to fill the deep, dark misery they carry about with them every day of their meaningless existence. They will not be able to part with 15k freely and never miss it. And you, my brothers, will be held liable for EVERY DIME they “give” you.

     Those who feel themselves victims, MUST BE.

     In the meantime, I will be here in the world, restoring my past, step by step, with a different ending.