wilderness path

a significant inner journey

 

"What could Your Goal FOR me be but for me TO abandon my final goal?"

Desert Spirit

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KING OF MY KINGDOM

 

MARCH 28 2010

 

     In my defenseless my safety lies. This is my sacred instant of release from defenses, of which time ideas are woven. This is my instant of release from space, time and the ego-thought system of personalities, of worldly ambitions and goals. Peace, not of this world, be to my mind. I will allow all my thoughts to be still. Come forth now, from deep within me Creator of my spirit and mind Who resides in Those You send to awaken me. Lift my mind and thoughts out of horizontal thinking, into Vertical Thought and Light, and allow my mind to be healed today, now, where debits to our brothers end, where ideas of lack no longer appeal, where time is meaningless and where only successful outcome is reality.

 

     What will You have me do this day, where will You have me go, what will You have me say and to whom? Let Your Words be mine to extend today. Decide for me for my life. Thank You.

 

     Now today my lesson reads,

 

Be not afraid nor timid. There can be no doubt that you will reach your final goal.”

 

     Would You request of me to be not afraid nor timid if You see I would be, have been or am afraid and timid? Why would You suggest for me to realize a state unless that state is not one within which I exist? You would not say, “Be not afraid” unless on some level I am. You would not say, “Be not timid” unless in some place in my thinking this is a reality. So I come to address the timidity and fear that You ask me to not cradle in my arms lovingly.

 

     The practicing of these lessons are designed to teach me I am an extension of the Light of the Uni-Verse That You say is my Reality. How insane it must be to You to see me attempting to practice or remember what I already AM. If I am honest with myself, I would have to see how idiotic it must be for me to have to attempt to remember I am spirit, that I have a mind of unlimited power and that it can do anything. I am the amnesiatic who cannot remember my reality and use this power to maintain forgetfulness. It is for this I have used my precious mind power.

 

     I have used, unconsciously, my power to make timidity and fear a reality. In my mind they are principles I practice to keep my mind occupied with them, and in this practice I am willingly resisting the remembrance of my reality, a reality that teaches me that I am spirit, in a body, on a physical plane, attempting to remember the Heaven within me that goes with me. Yet I have given value and reality to these worldly rules that You call ‘the ego-thought system’ by which personalities and bodies exist, a system of rules regarding economics, medicine and health, security, and safety. And all my time and energy are reserved for giving power and worth and value to this level of thinking that keeps me distracted from remembering I am Home, dreaming nightmares of another home.

 

     Then, from the outside, come Your Words that tell me I can perform miracles, I can collapse time, and in doing so I can remember I am spirit. And yet the material world appeals to me. This, last evening, did the Tarot Cards reveal to me. My soul mirrors the essence of a king, the King of Pentacles. And if I am a King, why would I deny myself all a King is entitled to? Is my loyal servant who advises me a wormed-tongue entity who only wishes to guide my thinking to self-destruction?

 

     I claim, “I am too timid, too afraid to rule over my kingdom.” Yet my kingdom is a kingdom of fear, guilt, sin, regret, error and weakness. And the great wormed-tongue tempter who breathes its foul breath into my sacred mind I have made the ruler of my sacred mind, believing every lie, doubting not the deception it teaches me, the very deceptions I have taught IT TO teach me. For I am the king of my kingdom.

 

     Now my mind rules over me who gave the rules TO my mind to rule over me.

 

     I gave my mind the rules by which I am a slave to follow obediently, and in this I think “religion” or “spirituality” or “positive thinking” or ‘being optimistic” will save me. I start fires that cannot ever be put out and then spend all my time trying to put them out.

 

     Now You tell me there can be no doubt I will reach my final goal. Yet even small goals I doubt I could reach. And so I have stopped setting goals that are unreachable. For the unreachable goals are designed BY ME TO never reach. I have pursued what is unattainable.

 

     Now within Your Light You say it is a final goal I cannot fail to reach. So I ask, “Have I reaches MY final goal? Or do I still have final goals woven somewhere in me I think I will eventually reach?”

 

     How do I stop setting goals that only bind me to time, to future expectations and anticipations? Who is guaranteed a tomorrow?

 

     You speak of final goals. You speak of all decisions already made. You speak of all dreams being over. Yet if all decisions are already made, within me, by You, and if I have already completed all the earthly journeys I will ever make, and if I am spirit, here and now and not in some final time and place, and if this spirit lives in Grace forever, then within me somewhere must there BE this Utter Fulfillment.

 

     I come now to remember, HERE AND NOW IS the only time and here and now is the only place that successful outcome of a final goal exists. It is in my memory somewhere I would call up and allow it to dawn on me once again a long ago Time and Place that is not of this realm.

 

     If You are the Inner Teacher in charge of the process of awakening me to my Reality, how sacred must such a Duty be. How sacred must it be for me to be responsible enough to consider Your Duty in my life.

 

     Then, the goal You set for me to reach must be embedded IN EACH lesson You give. Why would you WAIT to awaken me if God is Timelessness? It must be my use of time that makes delay of this Event possible.

 

     It must be in the Thought You send to me, “There can be no doubt that you will reach your final goal” that the miracle takes place. I therefore claim that I have reached MY final goal. My final goal is to NOT succeed. And so here and now today I abandon my final goal for Your Goal for me.

 

     What could Your Goal FOR me be but for me TO abandon my final goal?

 

     What could be Your Final Goal for me but to accept and claim now, “I will achieve Your Final Goal because it is within Your Mind where it is set, and within Your Guidance I remember It”?

 

     And what other goal is more important that remembering Your Goal IS set and will only BE achieved?

 

     I thank You for inviting me today to fulfill my part in the Great Awakening and restore to me the fact I am King of my Kingdom. If my goals have been unachievable, then any further efforts on my part are futile.

 

     I have made impossibility possible. Today I claim the things that seem impossible with men are possible with Your Grace.

 

     If You are King of Kings, so must You be King of my Kinghood.

 

     I will be not so timid nor afraid to ask that You receive these thoughts from me today, and do with them as You wish. The world will think me arrogant to do so.

 

     So be it now.

     “It is done.”