wilderness path

a significant inner journey

CLINICAL DEPRESSION

5/2/2018

Desert Spirit

 

     She is an elderly woman for whom I have performed work. Her husband passed six years ago upon whom she was completely dependent. His passing sent her into depression out of which for six years she could not lift herself. 

     She lived with a small dog and this was her only companion. She was estranged from her only living relative, a sister, and her step children wanted nothing to do with her. She was in poor health and had a difficult time moving around with a walker. She rarely left the home and could not feed herself nor her small dog. 

     The neglect to her health as well as her pet bled over into her home which resulted in a house full of clutter, filth, infested with roaches, fleas, bugs of all sorts, and rodents. The rodents had penetrated the crawl space above the ceiling, chewed into the air conditioning duct, traveled through the duct and dropped down into the home through the air vents on the ceiling. 

     It was on a day that the dryer was heating up the laundry room that I was called to check the dryer and for a possible problem. It was here I discovered the rodents had also entered the home through the dryer vent, chewed a hole in the dryer hose and entered the home. Now the problem was epidemic. 

     And so I began the work of cleaning the home and removing the rodents and securing the premises from any further infestation. This work covered the periods between AUGUST 2017 to APRIL 2018.

     Yet it was in that nine months that I discovered many things about the woman, as well as her past. In fact, my entry into the home provided the elderly woman with something that was lacking in her life; companionship. And so I began, around November, with arriving in the morning, taking out the small dog to relieve himself so as to stop him from relieving himself in the home. Then I would feed him, and prepare her breakfast. I would provide her with her medication, and while she ate the meal I prepared for her she would share her past with me, and I with her. 

     Upon the completion of the work, the elderly woman and I parted amicably. 

     I did not know that my presence had become a replacement for her husband.

     I did not know that I had BECOME her husband FOR her, resulting in her subsequent dependency on me. 

     And I did not know that my departure would trigger a terrible descent into a very dark place within her mind, leading to her being hospitalized on the first day of May 2018 with what the good doctors diagnosed as “Agitation”. For nothing was found out of the ordinary when they completed all their biological tests. 

     Upon leaving the hospital, I returned to her home to attend to her dog. At the request of a caregiver, I deposited him into the vet clinic where he would be boarded for the duration of the woman’s hospital stay. It was there I came into contact with the insane thinking of the world and the ensuing exchange with the caregiver.

 

 *****************************************

 

     The television in the lobby of the animal hospital was blaring the good news:

 “MAY IS MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH.” 

     And so I extend this message to the “clinically depressed”. 

     “Who in the world is aware of their own mental health when we all think everyone else is sick?”

      “I am.”

     “ Uh huh…”

      “Seriously, I am aware that I am clinically depressed and have to take my medicine to stay balanced.”

      “You say you are AWARE of your depression. But AWARENESS cannot BE depressed OR depressing because it is designed TO make one aware.”

 (The phrase “CLINICAL DEPRESSION” is the ego’s way of making itself special. It is not just mildly depressed because of some external circumstance. It boasts of its CLINICAL DEPRESSION as if it is a badge of honor so that it may “prove” its sickness is a “legitimate” one because “the doctor” says so, he who is the unhealed healer.)

         “Everyone on this plane is sleeping and this sleep is stimulated by external distractions and motivated by them.

      “Do you know depression is a psychological distraction that is designed to keep suppressed all that is hidden in the subconscious mind with which we do not wish to deal nor look at? It is a form of mental constipation.

      “You may be extraterrestrial who cannot conform to three dimensional existence.”

      “Until u have lived with it don’t knock it. I believe in caring for the mentally ill, I have seen it first hand and what it can do to a person.”

      “I am a recovered alcoholic. I know all about self-destructive thinking and behavior, including depression, as well as all about instant gratification. Alcohol is a form of medication that instantly gratifies the depressed person. It does the same thing a pill does for the ‘clinically depressed’.

      “Depression is anger turned inward.”

      “Ok.” 

      “Many misdiagnose mental illness. In most cases it is directly related to spirit possession. The condition known as “multiple personalities” means to be possessed and influenced by the discarnate spirits of the deceased. If our aura is weak, then we attract those spirits to us, those negative influences to us. 

    “Those who find these ideas disturbing tend to shy away from such ideas. Then they can never move past the depression that the spirit is influencing. That is how the discarnate spirit protects itself from being detected. It convinces YOU that I do not know what I am talking about and that you should ignore me. 

     “As I told you yesterday, they would find NOTHING physically wrong with her.” 

     “I am not ignoring you. I am working. We all have our own beliefs and u have a right to yours as well as I have a right to mine.”    

     “Until they assign a psychologist to her and begin therapy with her, she will only deteriorate. In fact, they will make her worse with the drugs.”

      “That is your belief and I respect that.”

      “These are not beliefs. Experiences I am sharing with you are not beliefs. However, you can BELIEVE or not believe them. That is your prerogative.

      “It is not a belief that there is nothing physically wrong with her.”

         “We all have experiences, and we all perceive them differently, which eventually become our beliefs. I see things from a medical perspective and u don’t. It is all good.”

         “They will medicate her, commit her and that will be her end. Experiences are not beliefs. Experiences END beliefs.

      “If you BELIEVE you must take pills to feel normal, you will never have an experience of living normal without synthetic chemicals. This justifies your beliefs in the pills. I BELIEVED I could not live normally without drugs and alcohol, but the EXPERIENCE of trying to do so BROKE that belief. Medication is a convenient way of not addressing what causes depression. The ‘experts’ tell us what THEY THINK, what THEY BELIEVE we need and we BELIEVE them.”

      “You are spirit first. Your spirit and mind could heal the body. But if you think or BELIEVE you are a body, then you are confined to body or the ‘medical perspective’ solutions which do not heal the body or correct the beliefs. It only medicates them. In fact, the pills DO NOTHING. It is your BELIEF that they do. That then becomes your experience, not the other way around.”

      "These hospitals are institutions for the mentally deranged. They are filled with low energy; the sick "taking care of" the sick. No one could heal or recover in such an environment. No one could get well, not even a saint. If you want to be healthy and stay healthy, stay away from hospitals, clinics, anyone who works in the medical field, including doctors, nurses, cna's and the lot of them."