wilderness path

All my life I was told to be proud that I was an American Citizen. I was told that my forefathers died so that I could be free. I was told to cherish this freedom and my citizenship in the most powerful, wonderful, generous and free nation on the face of the earth. Much as I was told that my membership in the Catholic Church was a membership in the one and only true church on the face of the earth. Much as I was told that I was fortunate to be Caucasian by the manner in which I saw other people with darker skin and darker hair treated as compared to me.

The other day I saw a face in a picture of the earth. I saw the face of the earth. The face contained an expression I have never seen before.

The country I call "mine" was founded by me in England, I am a Puritan. I felt I was being oppressed. When I was given an opportunity to leave my homeland I jumped at it. I based my new colony on freedom of religion.

I set up new home containing the basic rule that EVERYONE living there MUST be Puritan. If one did not comply, I banished them. They were sent off to the wilderness alone as punishment. This was my FREEDOM of Religion.

Farther south I began another colony. In this colony I encouraged everyone to be Anglican but I did allow deviation. In this world I purchased other human beings to do my work for me so I could enjoy my days thinking, writing, praying, discussing political theories and visiting my friends. These people, torn from their homeland were MY PROPERTY for life and treated like animals. Well, I did not rape my animals. This gave me the time and freedom to compose a declaration of independence claiming all men equal under the god defined by me.

I also began a third little world half way between these two. I did not mandate any religion here and I did not need as many slaves. This was merely a trading post for everything coming in and out of my country. It dealt with everything from spices to the sale of human flesh. This is where I placed my banks. This is where I placed my heart beat. This special island was for one thing, PROFIT. It grew from a small slave trading post to a cesspool of sweatshops filled with tuberculosis and typhoid. This was my welcome center.

As my need for more increased I occupied every piece of dry and wetland I got my hands on until I could go no farther and then I went up and out into space. I lied, stole, raped, tortured, burned, stabbed and shot, always claiming MYSELF as the victim as I manifested my manifest destiny.

I want freedom so I TAKE the freedom of those I think are too free.

I want wealth so I steal even from those I think are poor.

I want space so I draw it in from the spacious until I fill it with billboards, churches, schools, banks, stores, garbage dumps, railroads, highways, chemicals, swimming pools, industry, radio waves and satellites.

I want to live so I kill with the flick of a switch a "criminal" or an entire city of "lowlifes.

I am proud to be an American

Where at least I know I’m free

I proudly sport my Jesus fish

On my Jeep Cherokee

I live on the backs of others

Knowing I did nothing wrong

Cheering on the Washington Redskins

As I sing my victim song

I am proud to be an American

Where I can pretend I’m free

And I won’t forget the men who died

Who gave this life to me

The Apache, Aztec and the Creek

The Comanche and Cherokee

The Chinook, the Crow and Iroquois

Don’t forget the Menominee

Narragansett, Lenapes, Navajo

And the Potawatomi

The Huron, Seminole, Pueblo

And Lakota at Wounded Knee

Salem witches, the Germans and Africans

Salvadorans, Vietnamese,

Laotians, Iraqis and Mexicans

Afghanis and Japanese

I am founded on a lie. I cannot be free if I think I can oppress or be oppressed, attack or be attacked.

I maintain myself with false legend. One nation under god is not one nation under Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Vishnu, Kali, Shiva, Zarathustra, Jehovah, Yahweh or any other idea of mine. It is one nation under currency because it is one nation under lack.

I am one nation under consuming myself. Consuming EVERYTHING I think can give me one more moment of pleasure and profit like a cancer.

I am not United in anything. I am nothing but an illusion of separate empty identities seeking identity through joining a family, gang, clan, club, discussion group, neighborhood, community, organization, committee, team, troop, order, political party, church, course, fraternity, sorority.

I say am a leader but I am a liar. I seek only for ego aggrandizement. I seek only to build up a personal identity that will be forever remembered. I seek only for power.

I pretend I can help another country. I pretend I can help my country. I am lost. I am working for my own interests, thinking I know what they are. I will lie to get power. I will make deals to get power. I will steal the rights of others to get money and power which to me are the same.

I cannot help ANYONE. Not one other person. Not one other country. Not my neighbor. Not even myself.

I am scarring the face of the earth as I thrash about without any Guidance from beyond this physical world.

I actually think I AM an American, living within borders drawn in the sand, carved in the trees, marked by the stone walls that I build.

Why am I never safe enough? Why am I never free enough? Why am I never wealthy enough? Why am I never powerful enough? Why have I no lasting peace, no lasting love, no lasting pleasure. Why is enough never enough?

Why is FEAR the only thing I ALWAYS have with me? Why is FEAR my only means of communication? Why is FEAR my only way to maintain control? Why is FEAR the only resource I seem to have enough of?

This is my legacy.

This is my citizenship.

Anne Marie