wilderness path

a significant inner journey


"Respect the others who are with you,

and be grateful to Spirit for those Spirit gives you.

For you know not how long they will be with you."

Desert Spirit 




Sunday, October 02, 2011


Desert Spirit



I want the peace of God.”



     Is this a truth for me today? How do I say these words and mean them?


     If I am blessed with the peace of God, what of this world could I ever want or need?


     It is October. The weather has changed. I have no idea how long I will be waking up to the very cool mornings. My windows are open. The cool morning air gently wakes me. The birds sing to me this morning. I feel peaceful in my heart. And I am grateful.


     What has changed?


     I am beginning to feel settled. My heart is beginning to feel settled, at peace, and I am not at war with my mind or in my mind. I feel mended of a deep wound of sorrow in the separating of my life from another.


     My sorrow would not lift from me, as if I was carrying on my back a large, heavy blanket that was suffocating me and preventing me from moving effortlessly. Every step was arduous, like walking in an endless river of mud. Not even in my begging and pleading to God for peace would I escape the pain and sorrow that made me desperate for a solution.


     I pray I want the peace of God. How badly do I wish for this? I began to feel it would require some kind of action on my part, a movement of my energy; something I had to “do” to move along and increase the vibration of my sluggishness that was stagnating me and keeping me low.


     And this doing could not be a distraction, an escape from the pain and discomfort. The distractions only temporarily placed a bandage on the pain and wound, postponing the ill feeling, suppressing it for a period of time, but would again return.


     I have always maintained and lived by the truth that in every disturbance there is a blessing to be discovered, and so it would have to be in this painful separation from another that I would find this blessing.


     We both have and had our perceived reasons WHY we were brought together, and why we were separated. And yet with each idea was there more confusion, more regret, more blame, more frustration, more ideas that if something would have been done ‘differently’ the separating would have been prevented. Now I see this was just another excuse I made to try and understand what only Spirit understood and Spirit could clearly see, and would explain to me when I was ready and willing to truly listen.


     It amplifies the truth of, “There IS ONLY Order and I am IN and part OF It”.


     She told me of her recent encounters with others, who also found the ending to their long term joining to another. What were their perceptions of the separation? “The relationship had run its course.” This would have to be seen as part of Spirit’s Plan, Spirit’s Words.


     The path Spirit put me on had changed. The path Spirit put her on had changed. We did not have to blame or accuse each other. We did not have to ‘know’ the reasons for these recent events. And although we would move in different directions, so to speak, it was the inward direction Spirit would encourage us to encounter and knew we, individually, would turn in Its direction. For this we COULD share, even in this physical separation, even if we journeyed on different paths, in different directions.


     For ALL directions were defined by Spirit, and led only TO Spirit. We were on ‘different’ paths, but on the same Path. We were separated, but truly Joined.


     Now I recall the Lessons, “All relationship must end in love,” and “Love holds no grievances.” Now I would be expected to LIVE these truths, to MEAN them, not just to say the words.


     This doing that I inherently felt that I needed to activate required me to return to the perceived source of my discomfort. It would indeed BE a discomfort TO encounter this. For if I perceived another to be the source OF my discomfort, then I would encounter the discomfort in the presence OF the other.


     In her absence from my physical presence, she lived in my mind, and the discomfort would not leave me. It was always there, demanding my attention, like a plant thirsting for water.


     And so face to face with her, and with my discomfort present, we would enter those places that were untouchable. In our attempts to understand the reasons FOR this separation, I came upon a discovery; that it does not matter what reasons I could attach TO the separation. It was not important.


     The only facts that are important is that Spirit Creator brought us together, for Its Reasons, and Spirit Creator would lead us apart, for Its Reasons. And I began to find it humorous as to how all the so-called experts would define the reasons for relationship separations, and also their formulas for keeping a ‘happy relationship,’ as if their behaviors and practices and beliefs would be able to preserve what they felt was so important to them.


     And now I realized Spirit always has Its Ways, despite the small mind’s protests.


     In hindsight, I see Spirit preserved my relationship with the bottle, as long as it was important to me, until It saw no more usefulness for that relationship.


     And so the events in between the joining and departing of our relationship that we assumed led TO the joining and parting are moot, and trying to figure them out is a waste of precious mind energy, because the events in between do not decide or define the bringing together or the separating OF beings.


     For me, the only sane realization I could have about the ideas of what happened in between the joining and parting is that they became a way to pacify ego, making me think somehow I was in charge of meeting and staying together and finally departing from another.


     In Spirit’s Eyes, I perceive that what is useful is provided in the joining of two beings, and what is no longer useful ends the joining, like the snake that outgrows its skin. And each of us will be liberated in seeing this - that the events in between the joining and parting of two people do not matter, makes not one bit of difference, that they are only ways for us to medicate our minds and prevent us from seeing the higher meaning.


     Gratefulness and gentleness would see, “I am brought TO this person BY Spirit for Its Reason, and I am removed FROM this person BY Spirit for Its Reason. Nothing else needs to be known.”


     The grateful, gentle heart could only be content in seeing this way. For it ends the mind’s desire to attempt to assign blame or place responsibility for my discomfort on the shoulders of another. What do I hope to gain by expecting another to carry MY grief?


     I am fully aware of the endless reasons ego has for entering and exiting a relationship with another. It is for self-gratification and specialness and fragmented definitions of love that keeps the focus of my attention on the other, but never turns me to look at myself.


     But for what reason could Spirit have for uniting and separating beings?


     It could only be for Love not of this world. It could only be to teach me about my true Self. It could only be to teach me to look within and weed out all the impurities that demand I hold another hostage to my world. It could only be to correct in me what is not productive that does not promote peace or security within me, or within others.


     It could only teach me to respect myself, and my Self, and rely ON my Self and the Divine Spirit I Am. It could only teach me of MY path, MY potentials and allow them to come to fruition.


     It reveals for me these values, these attributes in me that define me as part of the Expression of Life, and introduces me to the part I have come to play and the duties I have come to fulfill on this plane.


     It helps me by separating the false FROM separation.


     In this understanding of myself, it allows me to fulfill my part on this plane and moves me to give others the space and freedom and respect their desire and deserve to fulfill their heart’s desires. It takes nothing from them and gives them everything.


     It provides me with respect for myself. And in respect for myself I respect others. In my respect for others I could never attempt to hold them responsible for my pain or sorrow, and I would never blame nor accuse others for the experiences I encounter.


     I would realize ALL of it was arranged BY Creator FOR my highest good, and in the experience of parting, separating, I would only forgive myself of my misperceptions I hold about myself with regard to the pain I think I caused another or another caused me.


     In forgiving myself and accepting in myself my perceived shortcomings, I could only have love for the other who I would be offering freedom from my blame.


     And now I remember the Lesson that reads, 


                                           Forgive us our illusions, our Father.

                                                 Help us to come to right relationship with You.” 


    Forgive us for the ill use of our mind’s sacred power. And in my relationship with You teach me how to rightly use my power.


     So be it.

     “It is done.” 


     Now my Lesson on this cool October morning reads,


For minds can join only in truth.”


     Oh my God….


     Then, if I am separated from another by bitterness, sorrow, desertion, resentment, depression, I cannot be joined with them in truth. But if the truth is that Spirit brings together AND separates all relationships for ITS Reasons, then THIS TRUTH WILL join me TO the ones from whom I felt separated.


     I would see that the Goal Spirit has FOR joining and separating beings is to teach me of my Self and the relationship I must have with It. And in my relationship with Creator and my Self there is only love FOR and OF myself, and therefore love OF and FOR others.