wilderness path

a significant inner journey

 I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HELP SOMEONE

Desert Spirit

7/6/2021

 

 

     I do not know how to help someone.

     I do not know what the problem is.

     I do not know what to do.

     How do I help someone if I do not know what the problem is?

     How do I help someone if I do not know what to do?

 

     A man said to me, “Do you have a dollar?

     I perceived his problem was he needed a dollar.

     I gave him five dollars.

    

     He said, “I do not need five dollars. I need a dollar. Do you have a dollar?

     I replied, “Here is five dollars. I want to give you five dollars. It will help you.”

      He said, “I do not need five dollars. Do you have a dollar?

     I became frustrated and told him to go fuck himself.

 

     Even when I was TOLD what the problem was, I could not give the right solution.

     I thought I knew better regarding what he needed.

     He needed a dollar.

     I tried to give him five dollars.

 

     I attempted to give more than he asked for because it would make me feel “proud”, that I was a “good person doing a good thing” for someone else.

     I thought I was doing more than I was asked.

     But actually I was not even able to follow a simple request, revealing to me what I fool I am to think I could help anyone and know what someone else needs.

 

     A man was sitting on the street.

     I asked him if he needed a drink of water.

     He shook his head “No”.

     I asked him if he needed food.

     He shook his head “No”.

     I asked him if he needed medical help.

     He shook his head “No”.

 

     I became frustrated.

     I started to get agitated.

 

     I asked him if he needed shoes, or clean clothes.

     He shook his head “No”.

     I asked him if he needed a ride.

     He shook his head “No”.

 

     I became even more agitated.

     I started to feel angry.

 

     I forcefully asked him if he needed a hospital.

     He shook his head “No”.

     I wanted to scream at him, even strike him to knock him out of his stupidity.

    

      I screamed, “What the fuck do you need???

 

     At that moment, a van drove up behind him.

     The window rolled down, and the woman driver announced, “Bill, it is time to go.”

     The man turned and looked at the woman in the van.

     He stood up, turned to the van, walked to the passenger side, opened the door, got in, and closed the door.

     The driver looked at me, rolled up the window, and drove away. 

     And I was left there, standing on the street, boiling in anger, holding my balls, wondering what to do.