wilderness path

a significant inner journey


     "I have been taught I am a body,

but I have never questioned the validity OF the body."

Desert Spirit







September 24, 2013


Desert Spirit





“I will not hurt myself again today.”




     Today my Lesson speaks of the harm I give myself. I am not a body. I am free. For I am still as God created my spirit. God did not create the body, for it is not eternal. What Creator gave is the spirit, and the mind, identical to His. That I think I am different from what He created me to Be is blasphemy, for I think I can define what God created while I do not even see what I “created” in my life, as my life.


     Today I discover You, my Inner Teacher, say that it is my will to not hurt myself again today. You say the word “again” which much mean I have hurt myself in the past and should I not come to the truth of this Lesson and see It and embrace It wholly, I will AGAIN hurt myself. What IS myself? What is my Self? For is it not this I hurt?


     I will to not hurt myself again today. But as long as I do not know who or what I am, I must inevitably hurt myself, hurt my mind, with false ideas of what I am, who I am, and what Creator gave me in creation. You say, “God is Spirit. Worship only That,” and so if God is Spirit and is Creator, then He must be Giver of my spirit and the mind that thinks.


     If I am only spirit, and mind, then what I hurt is my spirit and my mind each time I think I am something else. Each time I define myself to be a body I define myself to be less than You created me. And into this mind You gave I have placed false ideas, beliefs, opinions and interpretations that others have given me that have shaped and molded my thinking.


     But today You offer me the divine opportunity to not hurt my spirit or my mind with false ideas of what and who I think I am. And so if my path on this earthly journey is to discover what and who I am, as You created me, let this Lesson and these words today that appear on this paper be the proof You wish for me to accept these truths, and not hurt my mind, again, today.


     I have been taught I am a body, but I have never questioned the validity OF the body. Nor have I questioned what use You would have for my body on this earth. And so if I am spirit and I am mind, then You must have a function for me today, a function my mind and spirit may use through this body. So tell me, what IS my function in the flesh, Teacher? What IS the function You would give to my mind and my spirit? And if I can discover what it is, would I need to seek outside myself for work, pleasure, or anything I think the world offers? What, as spirit and mind, can I give TO this world, rather than think I am here to TAKE FROM this world?


     If I am spirit with a mind, then You must have a function for me. Yet in order to carry out this function I have to first stop hurting my mind by thinking I am something that You did not create. If You gave me this mind and this spirit, and I am using them to manifest a body, then there must be a purpose on this earth for which my spirit and mind will use this body. And until I accept what You created, and not deny I am spirit with a mind, I only hurt myself, again and again, convinced I am something I am not.


     If I am not a body, then my brother must also not be a body. He/she must also be spirit, with a mind, that You created. And how can I honor their mind and spirit unless I FIRST DISCOVER my own? I am convinced I am a body. I was told, “God created the body” and yet You say, “God created the spirit and only the spirit and cannot create what can become sick, old and die”. And so each time I THINK I am a body, I hurt my mind. Each time I THINK I am a body, I attack my mind and my spirit with false ideas. And in accepting that I am not a spirit with a mind, I teach this to my brothers who equally suffer with me.


     If I am a body, I am limited and must therefore seek to satisfy my limitations by drawing to myself others whom I THINK can fulfill me. And yet THEY ARE LIMITED ALSO. And so I take FROM them what little they have in order to make myself complete. Yet I never do. And the more I take from them, the more I expect them to give me. And when they fail me, I condemn them, curse them, deem them no fucking good. And I say, “They throw me away saying they found someone better than me. Yet how can this be? Do not they see my uniqueness? Do they not see how good I am?”


     I seek from the world what I expect it to give to me, while I give back to the world ingratitude. I am not grateful to my brothers because I do not see them as God created them. I do not see them as Creator created them because I fail to see what Creator created me to be.


     My “sin” is ingratitude. I am ungrateful to them for not providing me with all I need. And with each gift they give me, I demand more. I do not give BACK TO THEM, but only TAKE FROM THEM. And now as my world does not work, I think of moving CLOSER to them, so that I might take more from them, be more dependent on them and never discover what I need to do to contribute TO THEIR WORLD rather than continue to take from their world.


     I say I “love” them, but I do not even love myself. How can I say I love others when I do not even love myself enough to do something about my sick, ungrateful mind? I do not know what love is. I only know what is love according to ME, not according to what Your Love is.


     Now my Lesson reads,


Let us this day accept forgiveness as our only function.”


     You say, “I will not hurt myself today,” and “Let us this day accept forgiveness as our only function”. If I do not accept forgiveness as my ONLY function, then I must be hurting myself, my spirit and my mind, by thinking I have ANOTHER function other than forgiveness. I hurt myself each time I manufacture a function that is not the one You gave me. You say that forgiveness is my only function, but I have other functions that I prefer to fulfill. And yet my life is not what I think it should be, in spite of the fact I AM THE ONE WHO HAS DECIDED HOW MY LIFE SHOULD BE.


     My present existence and all that it reflects is based on what I think is best for me. Or is my present existence one that God wishes for me? I do what I please and then I say, “I guess this is what the Lord wishes for me.” I practice irresponsibility to You and ingratitude towards all our brothers, and then I say, “This is the life the Lord has designed for me.”


      Now I not only hurt myself with the idea that the Lord has given me this life, but that it is a miserable existence and one I do not appreciate, one for which I have no gratitude. And so the life the Lord has given me is the one I hate, the one for which I am not grateful. And yet You say that forgiveness is my ONLY function, and as long as I am not fulfilling my function I will only continue to hurt myself.


     I hurt myself each time I do not fulfill the ONLY function You have asked me to fill.


     Now if I am not fulfilling my ONLY FUNCTION, it must be because I do not WANT this function, or I do not know what this function is, or what it asks of me, and therefore am incapable of fulfilling it. So I ask You, Teacher, how am I to fulfill my ONLY function and stop hurting my spirit, my mind and all minds and all spirits?


     You say, “Know thyself.” And so to know myself must be the beginning of forgiveness. It must be the beginning of ending the need to define myself as less than God created me to me. You say forgiveness is to GIVE FORTH. What am I to give forth? If I am part of Your Light, then I must be a light being, with a mind that can do anything. Then, would forgiveness be to “give forth my light to the world”? Is that not what You did, Teacher? Did not You give Your light to the world? And did You not say, “This I did you must do also”? Is to know thyself to love my Self?


     So if forgiveness is to know myself, and to know myself is to know what God created me to be, then it is this I would discover today and it is this I will honor. And to honor this is to show gratefulness to You for this gift. And to show gratefulness to You is to show it to myself. And to show it to myself is to give it to all our brothers. To know myself is to have gratitude for You for what You created. I have not shown gratitude for our brothers because I have not known them as You created them.


     I have only known them as what I wish to define them to be, and this has been to serve MY desires, MY needs.


     I called them “father” when You are the ONLY Father.

     I called them “mother” when You are the ONLY Mother.

     I called them “lover” when You are the ONLY Lover.

     I called them “uncle,”, “aunt”, “friend” and “foe” when only You are ALL of them, in disguise.


      Now I have no gratitude for them because I do not see them as You created them. I see them only as those individuals who must serve MY needs. And when they do not give me what I WANT, I condemn them, and send them to hell. I do not see the sickness of my own mind, my own thinking, and so I carry on this sickness to the third and forth generations. I will teach my sickness to my offspring, and never will they be the wiser.


     Now the child in my care is growing older. The child in my care is ME. As I grow further away from You and a true understanding of myself, so will this I teach others. And how can I offer the offspring anything other than my sin, my sickness, unless I first make those corrections within myself? What is it I offer the others, today? And how long will I go on hurting myself, and ultimately hurting those with whom I come into contact?


     I am full of ingratitude. You say gratitude is the only debt I owe. Let me pay this debt today. Let me give gratitude. Teach me to extend only forgiveness. Pardon me my sin, Teacher, as I pardon theirs that I think they do against me.


     I think the world owes me. I think others owe me. I take and do not give anything back. Today I ask You to teach me to fulfill my only function. Let me learn how to forgive myself of the sin of error in my thinking. Let me remember my Self as You created me. Let me remember them as You created each of them. They are not here on this earth to serve my needs. They are not here for me to take from them. They are here to fulfill THEIR function as You assigned it also. We are all here to learn to forgive our minds of the errors placed in them. In this way I can offer You Healing Light to them, rather than continue to use them for my own selfish ends.


     Now I claim my only function as You gave it. I come to accept my part as God created me, giving TO the world rather than continue to take from the world. And it will be ONLY THIS I offer to the others.


     It is the only way I can stop hurting myself today and all the days of my life on this earth.


     Be it so now.

     “It is done.”